Communicate ahead of Communion and Confirmation
We are all proud as punch when we see our children receive any honour or prize. This is particularly so when our child or children receive their first Holy Communion or Confirmation. The religious significance of this sacrament for believers cannot be overstated. It has moved since the second Vatican Council from an essentially private service to one involving the wider community. This event has grown exponentially over the years. With this growth has come, inevitably, some social issues.
It is no secret that the cost of a First Holy Communion has become something of a financial burden for many parents. The cost of a girl’s dress particularly can, and does, cause sleepless nights for many parents. In recent years this burden has been addressed and many novel ways of reducing the cost have emerged. I was heartened to read that some schools are now saying that, in future, only school uniform will be used. I am sure many girls will be disappointed at not being able to dress in a beautiful mini wedding dress.
Confirmation takes place when the children are a little older, and the focus has moved from clothes to money Again this has become a very public event. The main issue for many parents is the amount of money given to the child on this occasion. The expectation amongst many participants is that they will receive a ‘good amount’ and be taken for a nice meal. More pressure for the parents. I personally know of children who compare with each other the amount they received and many would not be very happy. It’s worth thinking about the contrast between the original recipients of the Holy Spirit. These were a group of very poor hard working people who shared everything with each other. The focus now seems to be to get as much money on the day and to keep it or spend it on oneself.
Then there’s the etiquette involved when separated parents of the child attend the ceremonies, particularly if they are attending with their new partner. Many questions need to be ironed out weeks before the ceremony. Although the marriage has broken down both parents want to see their child receive the sacraments. I can assure you that negotiations around this subject can sometimes become very heated. As with so much in relationship breakdown it is often the parents who act like children, often leaving the child(ren) to take on the adult role. Adults can sometimes forget, due to their immaturity, that their child is observing and learning how not to behave in public.
A huge bone of contention and one that is fraught with difficulty is the celebration meal after the ceremony, and not just the cost. Who can attend? A parent with a new partner is under pressure (usually) to bring him/her along. If this is not welcomed by their ex, the new partner feels snubbed and there begins animosity, with the child, as usual, in the middle. This very complicated scenario is becoming all too common with the emotional consequences felt by the child.
Many parents are quick to talk about their rights in relation to their children. They should think more about their obligations and responsibilities. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. Few of us get it right all of the time. Communion and Confirmation are major events in the lives of most children. They are staging posts on the road to adulthood. That road to adulthood is paved with highs and lows. It is our obligation as parents to use the wealth of experience available to help us help our children on that road.