Challenges of Divorce
This article details some of the challenges faced by individuals going through divorce in terms of completing the process of emotionally separating from their ex-spouses.
Letting Go
When two people have been intimately involved in one another’s lives, living, eating, sleeping, raising children, and perhaps even working together, letting go of day-to-day interaction can be exceedingly difficult. Either or both parties may feel bereft when they no longer check in with one another throughout the day. Even when the quantity or quality of those interactions declines as the marriage falls apart, fear of not having someone “there” can be paralyzing.
Coping with Feelings
Married people are used to venting their emotions about bad days at work, problems with the kids, and other issues with their spouses. Now, the very person who used to listen and understand those feelings is the cause and focus of them. The loss of a confidant during one of life’s greatest crises can be debilitating.
Fear of “Starting Over”
Married individuals experience a certain sense of stability from their status; again, this is the case whether the union is happy or not. “Starting over” means setting up a new household, taking on new roles, making new friends, and eventually dating and entering into a new romantic relationship. Though it isn’t advisable in many ways, apprehension over starting over propels many divorcing people into intense rebound relationships where they try to reestablish a sense of stability through routines and roles that are familiar to them from their marriages.
Shame Over Failure
Most people who marry do so with the full intent of fulfilling their vows: for better or for worse, till death do us part. Realizing that this isn’t going to be possible or perhaps even desirable can create a tremendous amount of guilt and shame for divorcing individuals. Religious beliefs and familial pressure can intensify these feelings.
Getting to Know Oneself
To make a marriage work, both individuals must subjugate certain desires and abdicate some dreams; neither party will get everything she or he wants. However, some people do this so thoroughly that they lose sight of their identities altogether. These individuals suffer greatly when divorcing and may even feel that they are “nothing” without partners. To recover from divorce, they must get to know themselves again.
Newly Single
Returning to singlehood, especially after many years, is tough for many divorcing persons. Some individuals are even experiencing singlehood for the first time, having gone from their parents’ homes to married life. Often, they thought they would never live as single persons and are completely unprepared for the concept itself, much less putting it into practice.
New Meaning and Purpose
As human beings, we identify with our roles: daughter, son, friend, sibling, husband, wife, parent. The loss of one of these very important roles makes many people going through divorce feel confused about their purpose in life. It may even lead to feelings of worthlessness or trigger a depressive episode, depending on the degree to which they internalize the loss.