Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Somewhere on a rooftop in New York a couple were apparently going through a painful breakup. Their neighbour, who 
was enjoying the vista of the New York skyline, on overhearing their raised voices and anguished tones decided to share it with the rest of the world by live tweeting the whole thing. #roofbreakup went viral and an intimate private interaction generated over 3,000 tweets from around the globe #WOW! Most people were highly amused with the goings on and there was not much sympathy expressed for their plight.
Once on a certain budget airline flight I, along with all of the passengers nearby, witnessed a fairly serious argument between a couple who were seated either side of the aisle. Initially people tried to avoid listening into what seemed like a very private conversation but as the couple got more and more agitated with each other, raising their voices as if they were oblivious to where they were, people became more interested in where this was leading.
Now we all know the confines of a budget airplane! It’s not exactly the best place to discuss the intimacies of your life. As the argument escalated the ‘bush telegraph’ swung into action with updates being relayed to those passengers further back who did not have front row seats! There were various storming off to the bathroom scenes (where else could you storm off to?), stony silences, placating, pleading and then more arguing. Eventually to the great amusement of the crowd an engagement ring was flung back and almost got a round of applause!
As a relationships therapist I am comfortable with high conflict, not high altitude conflict I hasten to add. As a nervous flyer to be in the presence of such aggravated emotion was somewhat disconcerting. I had visions of one of them attempting to really leave! I thought about offering my services but quickly decided it would not be a good idea. As I am acutely aware of the pain involved in these situations I did however desist from joining in the sense of merriment at their plight. Why did this deeply upsetting situation (for the couple) cause such an amused response by the onlookers?
Just as happens on social media do we automatically remove ourselves from personally getting involved? Is it a protection as it would cost us too much to acknowledge what is really going on? Would we rather turn a blind, or as in this case, a jaundiced eye? Break ups can be painful and difficult and are certainly not for public spectacle. Relationships can and do breakdown. The best way to break up is with respect, for yourself and the other person. Tweeting, texting, emailing or any other means of avoidance are unacceptable. Yes it’s hard to hurt others but facing up to our responsibility is the best for all concerned in the long run. It can also help to lessen the hurt. For long term relationships separation counselling can be a great support.
So, if you need to break up do so at an appropriate time and place. If you witness a painful scene between people think twice before recording, tweeting or whatever, remember these are real people going through real emotions. Oh and the couple on the plane? They made up before landing….to a round of applause!
Tags: gossip, relationships, social media, twitter