Domestic Abuse on the Rise, But We Can Help
Domestic abuse is in the news again: the recent Annual report published by AMEN, a support organisation for abused men, highlighted an 18% increase in the number of abused men availing of their services.
From AMEN Annual report 2013
“We had 5225 contacts to Amen Support Services during 2012.
These contacts include helpline calls, one to one meetings, court accompaniments, emails, text messages and post received. This figure showed an increase of 922 contacts or almost 18% on the figures recorded in 2011.”
Women’s Aid and Safe Ireland would also cite an increase in the number of people using their services. Despite much more information, 
education and advertising about abuse in relationships, intimate abuse is still happening and unfortunately happening in increasing numbers.
Any discussion of domestic abuse needs to begin with a definition. What are we – the counsellors in Relationships Ireland - talking about when we use the term ‘domestic abuse’? Many people have a narrow understanding of domestic abuse as one partner (usually the man) physically hitting or battering the other partner (usually the woman).
Domestic abuse is much, much more than physical abuse; the comprehensive definition on the HSE website encourages a broader understanding of abuse in intimate relationships:
“Domestic and/or sexual violence is the threat or use of physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse in close adult relationships. This includes destruction of property, isolation from family and friends or other potential sources of support and threats to others including children. Stalking and control over access to money, personal items, food, transport and the telephone are also common examples of domestic abuse.” (HSE website)
Domestic abuse happens behind closed doors and mostly in secret – it happens across all cultures, classes and educational levels. It happens to women and it happens to men, abusers are very clever and very manipulative and many abused people end up thinking it’s their own fault. It isn’t.
Many victims will say they have tried to speak out but don’t get heard – as therapists in a relationship counselling agency, we are trained to be alert to the clues of abusive relationships. If a client is talking about or hinting at – being afraid, walking on eggshells, filtering what they say to their partner, dreading the key in the door, being coerced sexually in ways that are uncomfortable – they are usually talking about an abusive relationship.
It takes great courage for victims to disclose what is happening to them. Therapy can and does help but it must take account of the client’s safety and the safety of any children. Couple therapy can be helpful but it is important that there is a thorough assessment of the suitability of couple therapy in each case. Therapists in Relationships Ireland are trained to do the thorough assessment where abuse is an issue in a relationship and there is help available.
If you and your relationship has been affected by domestic abuse, please contact us now.