Avoiding arguments and stress before a holiday
The likelihood of good weather, last-minute deals from travel agents and the looming end of the school summer break are just some of the factors that make August a popular time for couples and families to take a holiday.
But while the holiday itself can be relaxing, the journey to the intended destination can sometimes be a stressful experience. Rushing to catch flights, driving long distances, delays and forgotten luggage can lead to frayed nerves. And when nerves are frayed, it can result in arguments. If left unresolved, these arguments can conspire to limit the enjoyment of the holiday.
“Don’t overshadow the whole trip for someone else just because you’re having a bad morning yourself,” advises Nuala Deering, one of our counsellors here at Relationships Ireland. “If you do have an argument on the way, go and have a walk when you arrive or make a decision that you’re not going to continue this argument during the holiday.
“You have a choice: ‘Do I ruin this for myself and everybody else or am I going to rise above it? Do we need to discuss something? Do we need to clear the air about something?’ Be adult enough to go for a walk, go for a coffee or a drink and talk about it.”
Nuala also cautions couples to be aware of the pitfalls which occur in advance of the holiday.
“There will be a pattern of pitfalls; they don’t automatically come out of nowhere. What are they? Do you fight over the driving, for example? Why not say, ‘you relax, I’ll drive’? Sometimes there are bigger issues to be addressed and in those cases you will have to go and talk to someone. The difference it can make is unbelievable.”
If an argument does occur, it may still need to be addressed in spite of any agreement to leave it to one side until the end of the vacation.
“Never leave an issue unresolved. If it’s a once-off, then fair enough, but if it keeps coming up then you need to address it,” Nuala continues. “It’s not something that will just go away, so even though you might park it for the duration of your break, you’ll have to talk about it when you come home – you may even need to talk to someone else about it.
“These patterns don’t change themselves and couples generally don’t have the ability to resolve them without help because they’re usually about something else.
“If you have recurring issues, someone neutral and professional can give them an objective perspective, looking at both sides and trying to find a way to address the conflict and resolve it in a healthy way,” Nuala concludes.
Tags: arguments, Holidays, marriage, relationships, stress