What sets apart our intimate relationships from all other close relationships in our lives is the presence of physical intimacy. Sex is the most intense expression of that intimacy and healthy relationships are typically characterised by this level of physical intimacy. While sex is frequently viewed as a physical needs or drive it is in fact an important form of communication in relationships. Couples are often at their most open when physically close and for many of us it is a way of expressing our deep attachment to our partner.
Despite the evident importance of sex and physical intimacy in supporting intimate relationships there is often a great deal of angst between couples surrounding the subject of sex. This may arise from a specific difficulty in regards to sexual functioning such as erectile difficulties or vaginismus or more generally because of a difference in sexual desire between the couple. For a whole variety of reasons, many to do with our upbringing and background, many people find it very difficult to communicate with their partner about sexual issues in their relationship and this is particularly so when problems arise. Consequently many couples may struggle with a sexual difficulty often for long periods of time before seeking help. Here at Relationships Ireland we have the expertise and experience to help couples and individuals address sexual problems and concerns and achieve greater happiness and fulfilment in their intimate relationships. Our highly trained and professionally certified staff are available to discuss your needs and concerns and offer you an indepth assessment and treatment plan where appropriate.

The impact of children on intimacy

Having a baby is one of the biggest challenges relationships can experience. The arrival of children affects relationships in many different ways. The physical demands of pregnancy and labour are exhausting for most women and while their partner may not be physically challenged in the same way they are equally caught up in the psychological and emotional demands. Increasingly both partners share the pressure of childrearing. Unsurprising most couples notice their relationship changes following pregnancy and birth.  Most of the attention is focussed on their newborn and there is less time for each other.   There may be expectations of the other and when their partner doesn’t meet them, they can be left feeling hurt and disappointed. At Relationships Ireland we see couples who have concerns about how the intimate side of  their relationship has changed and help them to re-connect with each other emotionally and sexually.
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The Impact of Internet Porn

Part of being human is being sexual and although the use of erotic material is perfectly normal for individuals as part of their sex lives, it can tip over into becoming problematic especially when it involves access to material that is sexually demeaning and exploitative and when access to that material becomes compulsive.

Internet porn is easily accessible, affordable and anonymous.  Not much effort is involved by the user in engaging in internet porn activity but over time can become addictive, leaving the user feeling a lack of control over whether they use it or not.  They may find themselves becoming moody and withdrawn from their partners and others, or else find themselves sexually objectifying other people.  Some find themselves engaging in risky, dangerous and criminal behaviour as a result.   Any or all of these behaviours can lower self-esteem and damage personal integrity, leaving the user with a sense of shame and/or guilt because they are now feeling controlled by it as it increasingly becomes an intense craving that is less easy to satisfy and they need more extreme content to get the same effect, and feeling irritated when they are deprived of porn use.

If they are in a relationship, it becomes marred by secrecy and dishonesty.  If the behaviour is known to the partner, they too become upset and angry and will feel inadequate, wondering why they ‘aren’t enough’.  There is a loss of trust and respect in the relationship  and the closeness and intimacy between the couple is called into question.

We work with couples and individuals who are understandably distressed by this behaviour and want their or their partner’s behaviour to change.
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When to see a Sex Therapist

If you have a fairly good relationship but are bothered by a specific sexual difficulty for example:

Vaginismus - involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles making penetration impossible

Dyspareunia - Penetration is possible but intercourse is painful

Orgasmic difficulties – inability to achieve orgasm

Erectile problems – inability to attain or achieve an erection sufficient for intercourse
(where physical causes are ruled out)

Ejaculatory problems – ejaculating too fast, or not being able to ejaculate during intercourse

Lack of desire may be linked more specifically to relationship issues

At your first appointment  you will have an opportunity to discuss what therapy is best for you.
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Get in touch

To make an appointment to see a counsellor or for further enquiries please phone 1890 380 380, 01-6785256 or email info@relationshipsireland.com