Sexual infidelity is perhaps one of the most painful issues that couples face in a marriage or long-term relationship. Both sides have to cope with very powerful feelings that may feel overwhelming and very hard to deal with. The party who has discovered the infidelity may feel tremendously hurt, angry and betrayed and experience intense feelings or anger, rage and betrayal. The partner who has been unfaithful depending on their motivation for the affair may feel a wide range of emotions including shame, anger, self-reproach and numbness. Right at this time of emotional turmoil both parties face tough decisions as to whether they end the relationship or stay together and address what lead to it happening? When children are involved this is even more difficult.

Here at Relationships Ireland we recognise that an affair can be a time of enormous crisis in a relationship and in many cases spell the end of a marriage or long term relationship. We would encourage clients experiencing infidelity not to make big decisions quickly when they are overwhelmed by negative emotions. We understand these very overwhelming feelings and our experience is that when the couple has a chance to stand back and look at what has happened, they are better positioned to start answering the question ‘should this relationship be given a second chance?’.

However we also have many years of experience working with couples whose marriages have been rocked by infidelity to help them recover from it, rebuild trust and get their relationship back on track.

For many couples the key to recovery begins with genuine contrition by the partner who has had the affair. A recognition by both parties that there was something missing or lost from the relationship that hadn’t been addressed is also important. While this may be hard for the offended party to concede ultimately it is helpful to the relationship to acknowledge that this may have contributed to one partner looking outside the relationship to meet their needs.