Revenge Gets You Nowhere
Sometimes I despair! Why is it that an individual has sex with their best friend’s mate just to ‘get back’ at their ‘friend’? Of course this says more about the person who wants to seek revenge on their so called’ friend’ and who wants to create as much pain for everyone involved. This person would be so emotionally immature and so self centred as to need some kind of therapy. In short they need to grow up!
Of course going out and having sex with our friend’s current or ex does cause tension and those that say they don’t know what effect this would have are simply lying, deluded or stupid. Maybe they’re all three. This is about basic respect between people and being grown up. Just because we may be over 21 does not automatically make us mature and grown up. It also doesn’t necessarily follow because we have a third level education and (luckily) have a good job that makes us an adult. Many people lack the courage to tackle these issues head on.
The betrayer may feel a sense of guilt as their behaviour may not square with their ethical and moral code. This is why it is imperative that we take relationships seriously. We may have ‘the hots’ for someone else but there are always consequences to our behaviour. But few people think about this area. Unfortunately we are all becoming self centred and many morally bankrupt and deluded.
So called experts argue that our own desires should be satisfied and if others find that difficult they need to ‘deal with it’. I beg to differ. The rules are very simple; Treat others as you would like to be treated. If we all behaved in this way things would be better.
When I say this to people I meet I have yet to come across anyone who admits that they don’t treat others as they would like to be treated. We expect others to behave well and we are affronted when this doesn’t happen. But we also behave badly to others although we deny the fact.
We need to put the question back and ask ‘How would YOU feel’ if this was done to you’? This is where courage and maturity comes to the fore. Maybe we do have the ‘hots’ for someone else but he or she is not available. Tough! Grow up and move on. Do not create trouble for your own selfish and narcissistic needs. Just because we may want someone else does not give us the entitlement to go out and take that person to satisfy ourselves
Violence, aggression, drinking and drug taking don’t help. At Relationships Ireland we see many individuals and couples who are trying to come to terms with the impact of just this type of situation. The psychological and emotional fall out can be devastating. Revenge and the injustice of it all can cause severe pain all round. A lot of people want to seek revenge on the other person. We read and hear about this everyday in the newspapers and on TV. We help people to come to terms with this issue. People’s confidence and self esteem are often shattered and their faith in others is also damaged. In short talking this over with someone does help and some TLC is what we all need. Who wins in this tragedy of betrayal? Nobody!
