Working on your Marriage
If you’ve come to this site you are probably someone who is concerned that your marriage or relationship is in trouble and you are searching for ways to address the problems you and your partner are facing as a couple. Most likely what has brought you here is a recent crisis or row and you have decided that you have had enough and need to do something about your relationship conflict.
Sometimes a marriage relationship crisis comes out of the blue such as the discovery of an affair or conflict and tension may build up over a long time and then come to head resulting in a major row or conflict. If you are going through such a crisis at the moment the good news is that relationships are not set in stone and can respond to change. You have the ability to influence the outcome of their marriage through relationship improvement behaviour, such as learning to understand your partner’s behaviour and feelings, investing time and energy in ‘working’ on your relationship, and using support such as marriage counselling. Here at Relationships Ireland an important part of our work is empowering people to recognise that they have more control over their relationship than they realise and their behaviour can have a significant effect on the quality of their marriage relationship.
Perhaps one of the most important behaviours in a marriage is how couples communicate. The way a couple communicate has a bearing on many aspects of their marriage and for many couples we see for couple counselling their relationship can be developed through improving their communication skills. Sometimes it is hard to talk to our husband or wife but being open with a partner can help a couple to increase their sense of closeness or ‘togetherness’ and facilitates the development of trust in the relationship.
The way people think about their partner’s behaviour has an impact on their thoughts and feelings towards them and on the well-being of their marriage. Many people ‘mind read’ their partners when they try to understand their undesirable or disrespectful behaviour and as a result often make mistakes in what they attribute that behaviour to. They may feel their partner’s behaviour is as a result of character defects such as selfishness or lack of consideration and consequently be critical or blaming in response. However to useful to understand a partner’s behaviour it is useful to consider the circumstances which have caused undesirable behaviour, for example, a partner’s irritability might be due to stress or illness. It is also important to consider the partner’s life experiences and how these have influenced their behaviour. In this way understanding the reasons behind a behaviour may help reduce relationship tension as it allows you to address the behaviour with our being unnecessary harsh or critical.
It is also important to realise that conflict and confrontation is normal in a marriage or relationship. Whilst it may be difficult to raise relationship issues with a partner that may result in short-term confrontation, it is likely to be beneficial for the long-term health of the relationship. By being open about feelings a couple can address a relationship issue before it develops into a serious difficulty. Failing to raise and deal with issues may be a sign that people are subjugating their own needs and this can lead to the erosion of relationship satisfaction. A lack of conflict in a relationship does not necessarily indicate a healthy relationship.
Contact Us Now!